The New Manifesto
TAG: PERSONAL
A newer perspective
I've been thinking about my blogging, and I realized something. I want to make this blog more personal. A hub of sorts to store everything I believe in. Recently, I've been writing some essays about life, boredom, and what I think about the world. However, these essays are a bit too direct, too cold, and (for some reason) not genuine to my real persona of who I am. So, I'm changing some things. I'm making my blogging more personal than I could have ever dreamt of. I'm blogging a little bit everyday and, if I keep on writing essays or lifeless text or some crappy form of self-help, it's going to turn into lifeless work. I don't want that. I'd hate that, so I'm making this a personal space for my thoughts. So yes, this is a personal blog Not a science blog, or self-help blog, or philosophy blog. It's just me and my words. It's a one-person show where the pronoun one is used extensively, but hey, one is a nice pronoun. It's gender-neutral and singular, although it can get confusing at times. Like this.
one must find in oneself the one thing one has always wanted in one's life.
Right, that sounds confusing (´。＿。｀). This is why English is terrible, so confusing for no reason.
Let's try this personal thing, shall we?
I've been thinking about death a lot. I know it's not a nice thing to think about, but I can't really stop myself. It comes to me whenever I try to clear my mind. If one ponders on it enough, one may come to this conclusion: what is death but life in another world? My life here is very short. Days pass away so fast, and yet with so much time having passed, I have accomplished so little. I've been wanting to study in France for my bachelors for so long, but I barely know any French. Heck, I'm listening to a French audiobook at the moment for immersion, and I can barely register a single word. I've lived in Dhaka for six years, and I still don't know the damn Bengali number system. Life can be over before one even realized it began. What a sad thing to write about.
Yikes, do we have do think about death?
All this death-thinking has started, because I have so much more time on my hands nowadays. I quit television, was finally able to shake off my YouTube addiction, and dialed down my daily phone screentime to less than twenty minutes a day. There just isn't much to do anymore except
- study (I'm trying to be more studious; will tell you the results)
- engage in one of my six hobbies, or
- do nothing and think—Death knocks on my door soon enough
I'm sleep-derived everyday, so I get like six or seven hours of sleep a day (is that good?). That means it's freakin' difficult to mediate because I sleep like every time! That's why I've begun doing some form of walking meditation. Basically, I take very small steps slowly and walk back and forth in my living room. I always have to turn on the overheard fan on as it's so hot in Dhaka.
Speaking of Dhaka, oh boy, it is not nice to live here. Look, I know some people love it here, but I am not of those some people. Everything is so cramped; there is so many people, and it's so damn loud and unsafe here. I'm in my apartment nearly all the time as it's so unsafe outside here—I feel like a caged mouse who watches wild mice enjoy their freedom in a screen. I say this because one's environment is the most important thing in one's life. A smoker will never quit smoking if they don't stop hanging out with their smoking friends. Likewise, I will never lead the quiet and slow life I have always wanted if I stay here in Dhaka. Nonetheless, I must adapt for the time being. I hope God will help me escape this hell.
Well, we're talking about blogging now.
I'm keeping my blog posting to a five-day frequency. That means, I'm trying to post every five days. Too much and my writings will have poor standards. Too little, and I'll be forgotten and discarded; besides blogging is fun—why would I want to stop? Stopping myself from blogging too much is the real problem. The plan is: write for three days, edit for the last two. There. A post every five days, if everything's alright with my health and life.
I'm also trying to find other bloggers on Bear to fill my own RSS feeds. I promised myself I'd take things slowly, so I currently have only two subscriptions. I'm hoping to keep this blog simple and personal. A lot of other blogs have fancy visual mods and status bars and cool colors, but I don't like that. I like the original Bear skin and have kept the features at a minimum. The only extra things I added were the Guestbook and the RSS page. I don't want to give my readers a headache over a barrage of features. Just me and my words. The words are what matter to me the most.
Routines, and like ... routines.
I've been trying to stick to a routine nowadays. Fixed times don't work for me (except waking time and bedtime), but fixed activities do. The thing about fixed timings is that my days are not the same as each other. I can't shower everyday at 12:30 PM like some automaton, although I try to be around that time. That's why I have sequenced activities that have fixed durations, allowing me to have a flexible routine. Right now, as I'm writing, I'm feeling awful and sick, but despite the setbacks, I'm still aiming to do twenty minutes of blogging today. Hey, if I'm sick I don't have to do any work today. All I get to do now is to have fun. This would sound nice, if I wasn't sick.
People on Bear usually upload short writing pieces with like a few paragraphs once a few days. I'm trying to keep with the tempo, but my posts are usually larger than other bloggers' posts. I hope I don't overwhelm you nor do I bore you with my word count. It's just that I can get lost in writing sometimes. It helps to escape from the chaotic and soulless city life. Writing was basically made for such an introvert like me. Writing is a lonely craft, and I am a lonely person. We fit each other like two jigsaw puzzle pieces. Weird simile I know.
So, what will this blog continue to be like? Well, I assume I'll still talk about my philosophies, about my personal life and thoughts, about my book obsession, and about my fiction and poems. Just everything now needs to be in more personal and distinct flavor.
Writers with their fame.
I'm quite sure no one will ever read this. My blog isn't in the Discovery Feed, but really who cares? Do I write for fame or viewership? Do I write to get nice emails or awards/prizes? Of course not! I write because I am human. I write because I am diseased with a near-ceaseless creativity, a mind always daydreaming and fabricating. I write because I am displeased with the current state of affairs. I really respect Jean-Paul Sartre, the author of Nausea, for rejecting to take home the Nobel Prize in Literature. Sounds like a me-move, if I'd been offered the prize. But I'd keep the prize money, because ... well, I'm not rich.
Writers have always been mystified by society as special beings. Granted near-immortal status, they have always been at the frontlines of history. However, writers, as it soon becomes clear, are merely like other humans. They love, they cry, they eat, and sleep. Writers are merely humans who found refugee in the pen for they didn't find it elsewhere.
Thnx for reading (✿◠‿◠).