diary notes #2
august 4th.
I don't like gender-segregated education. Trust me, it's only annoying and causes only further annoyances down the line. Personally, a woman to me is but another man. I'm quite sure not everyone has a view like mine, because not everyone is asexual. Anyways, gender-segregated education fails to teach little boys and girls how to act properly to the other sex. It makes girls giggle whenever a guy passes by, and boys laugh whenever a girl passes by. It makes each sex taunt the other, and introduces unnecessary barriers among like-minded people. It's a freakin nuisance, and solves nothing.
In my school, a guy could just be good friends with some girl, and everyone'd assume they are to each other romantic interests. Seriously, can men not have female friends or women have male friends? Like, why are the terms 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' so mingled with romance? All the say are 'boy who is a friend' and 'girl who is a friend'. Just because they're friends doesn't mean they want to have sex or harbor any romantic urges. We have a world for such people, however: Lovers. Why can't we call them that?
Not doing co-ed introduces the fear of the unknown and only creates fear, anxiety, and further misogyny. Gender-segregated education is a stupid system. Women have the full unalienable right to whatever education a man can have, from the same teachers, same classes, same clubs, and same whatever.
I've always had this equality-ist view of women. Perhaps my asexuality makes me see that (although I don't like being called homosexual nor heterosexual; I just am). I've read enough to know sexism and misogyny is meaningless in this cruel, nigh-meaningless world of ours.
august 5th.
I've just read (or really binge-read) a historical narrative of my county's past called Bangladesh: A Legacy of Blood. What I read there I can never forget. Bangladesh, as a nation, is a failure. I live in it and can say it. Our leaders have used the people, never giving us what we deserved. There is no hope, I see now, for this country. Its history since the British colonial period has truly been one of a legacy of blood.
Is there a solution to fix this country? It's at the very end of the world, least developed of the developing countries. We have nothing here, really. As Muslims, we are alienated by the other Muslim countries for being too Hindu, and we're alienated by Hindus for being too Muslim. We get the worst of both worlds.
I assume my country will never become anything. Its time has gone and shall never come again. Sure, it was a great place during the Ancient Ages, but now .. that time will never come. Okay, I might be a bit too pessimistic here, but try living in an apartment in a downtown center in Dhaka for seven years and you'll see why. My hope for any relief in the country has died out over the years. Now, my country is only a prison, a broken promise.
Suppose God had given me two options:
(a) die now
(b) or live the rest of your life in your country
I'm sure with pure certainty I'd pick the first one. I have grown sick of this country so much, I have from time-to-time thought of death as another valid alternative. There's studying abroad, of course, but that is a long-term solution. I don't know what I will do in the future. I just hope God spares me of the second option. I'd rather just die now then. Really.
august 6th
I had a hard time closing the damn window, and now my hand hurts as I write this. Anyways, I've started seeing writing more of a identity than merely a hobby, like an extension of myself. Like I would love to have my stories published, but finding a publisher is a pain in the ass. Also, publishers are soulless, and I'd rather just have them find me than me find them.
I've been thinking of writing a novel, but then I realized I don't like writing long stuff. I mainly stick to short stories. I'm currently writing a novelette (which is just a big short story, you could say). No idea if it'll ever get finished. So, instead of writing a novel, I was thinking of writing a novella. I just find shorter stuff not only more digestible but nicer. There's a reason why I haven't touched the Ice and Fire saga―besides, I like sci-fi; not a big fan of fantasy.
I've already written the novella's title: Petals for a Dying Flower. I plan for it to be the saddest thing I've ever written. Like really sad. I want to see my readers as they read every word. It's supposed to be a contemplation on oppression and the inanity of human evil. I'd label it supernatural or magical realism or whatever, but not fantasy. God, please not fantasy.
Since no publisher will accept my crap, I'm better off self-publishing my novella. I have to learn how to design a book-cover on Canva, however. I don't have much money you see.