diary notes #14
october 13th
I've learnt that there's something satisfying in learning your mother tongue, especially when you've been as badly anglicized like me. Technically I'm a native English speaker in a country which doesn't have much of them. And honestly, English is a very boring language. Even as I'm using it right now, I just have to say that English feels cold, distant, and tasteless, like the British Empire that brought it. I'd rather have been fluent in another language, especially my mother tongue, but I can't change time.
Anyways, about Bangla, my mother tongue: yeah it's sorta really difficult. Foreigners call Bangla 'Bengali', but honestly we'd just prefer you call it Bangla. 'Bengali' is the colonized/western-ified name like how Nippon is called 'Japan'. Anyways, Bangla has a very different alphabet from English since it's a descendent of Sanskrit instead of Latin. The grammar is easy, however, and the Bangla writing system opens worlds for you once you can read the letters. Bangla is a phonetic language, meaning what's written on the page is what's said, unlike French which my God; it's like French exists in two forms: one that is written and one that is spoken.
Bangla pronunciation is hard too, thanks to my English tongue. I really hope I am able to learn my mother tongue in one year, God-willing. It just feels awful not being able to read anything in your mother tongue; to have a language barrier with your own parents; to not read the books my mother liked. Yeah, it's sad. Life would've been simpler if we all spoke one language only.
october 14th
One of my classmates were talking about Clash Royale, this game that everyone is playing now. Even a couple of the teachers are playing it too. Apparently, it's a game that came from the dead to be popular again. I actually remember playing it on my father's phone in the garage of a house we were invited to a party to. I vividly remember being so bored then—boredom is something I've always dealt with in my life—and so I played this stupid game I happened to stumble upon on the Appstore. It had this picture of some fat bearded king who had this clunky animated face.
I don't know if I'm talking about the right game. The game I'm talking about was like nine years ... maybe eight years ago. Besides, I'm not well-acquainted with the videogame industry anyways. My parents would always be so disgusted whenever I played a game, and honestly looking at it now, games are not my style. I massively prefer books.
Speaking of books, I've just finished The Plague by Albert Camus. Amazing stuff, and I loved the writing. It had this rich vibe, but since the writing is a bit old, it was a slow read, and you know the modern attention span isn't that great anyways. But, oh boy, I enjoyed it. I've just acquired Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro and I can't wait to start. I've heard it's depressing, and to avoid any potential of binge-reading, I decided to read the ending before and yeah ... I get why it's depressing.
october 15th
I don't like having many conversations with many people. I prefer to have a few but intimate conversations with selected people. More like close friends. I could honestly speak to a friend for hours if they were up to it at the moment. Just this afternoon, I had a conversation with someone I regard as a friend. Not a close friend because I need at least two years with someone to give them that label.
We talked about a whole deal of things: about the confusing exam we had today, about studying abroad, getting a job, earning money, freelancing. It was good to have an intimate conversation with someone. Yeah, I sorta attract introverts as well, because most of my friends are introverts. Seems like I don't like extroverts much. It's probably because they're so loud, outgoing, and usually annoying most of the time. I don't like extravagant people.
At one point in our conversation, he talked about how immigrants are being thrown out of western countries, leaving out the odd jobs they did to survive which the native population took afterwards. I just have to ask: why? Why is all of humanity divided into nations? Why can't we just be under one country, like the 'World Government' in One Piece? Then there would be no immigrants or native hate talk. We'd all be one breathing mass, all united.
Okay, I'm not talking about hive minds. That's just weird. Like it's one person with many bodies? I really don't know how that's supposed to work. Is there a consciousness glue flowing through all of them? Are they all connected to one spiritual, immaterial entity? Or do their bodies transmit some wave which only other bodies from the hive mind can detect, so it's like some messy system where entire bodies are neurons? Sorry, I just don't get it.