diary notes #12
october 4th
I think there's a beauty to consuming less. Like I've been intentionally making myself bored so much, and I've seen I'm doing more of the things I actually care about. I've been reducing the distractions of my life and am seeing progress in my satisfaction levels. However, it makes my life feel dull; bleak compared to the stimulated lives of others. I was just walking and then I listened to my sister using social media and thought to myself: what makes me different? Why am I the only person in the family who doesn't use social media?
Anyways, I've introduced a new habit of mine. As I've said before (in older posts), my eyes are getting worse thanks to my terrifying amount of daily screentime, so my myopia is getting bad relative to my age. So, to decrease the progress of my myopia (which is near-sightedness; I can't see things far away; that's why they call it 'near-sightedness') I now, after waking up and making the bed, go to the balcony, grab a chair and look at things in the natural sunlight while listening to a podcast. Currently, I'm listening to Welcome to Night Vale.
The early episodes (the non-live recordings) are interesting enough to not make me fall asleep but boring enough to not make me binge-listen. It's just that the radio-host format is good enough for me to not binge-listen to. It's also so weird, like I'm confused on what the hell is happening half the time. It's also sci-fi, my favorite genre, so yeah I like it!
I would've preferred if they didn't include a different song each episode; I'm just not a music person. But hey, you can't get everything you ask for in life.
october 5th
Life is so, so boring. I mean my life is so, so, so boring. You know about that dopamine detox I've been doing? Yeah, I can feel the effects. I'm not really feeling substance-abuse withdrawal symptoms, but I'm just bored ... to death. I think death would be a nice thing; I hope it'd be more interesting than my life.
A good chunk of someone's life must be motivated by boredom. Why does this teenager have their face glued to their phone? Well, there's nothing really else do in an apartment in a bustling, lively city. Why is this person a coach potato? Because they haven't found hobbies they really care about. Why did this stranger attempt to end their life? Because life to them was tasteless.
A lot of shit comes up when you're bored, as I've been seeing: ideas I could've never thought of, and things to remember; memories I didn't even know I had; thoughts that come up with no origin point.
Anyways, I'm just here to say how my life is soooo boring. Oh, I've just remembered that in a website I'm making I've chosen burgundy in my monotone color scheme. I chose soft white as the background, because real white looks ancient, and black as the text. I was so lazy to make a favicon (which is the thing that appears in the website's tab; you know ... the picture) that I just Canva-ed a PNG of a burgundy square and, converting it to an .ico file, made it my favicon. Now it appears in the tab heading. If there's one word that could describe my website project it'd be 'lazy'. Just lazy.
october 6th
I don't think anime is special in any regard. Honestly, anime is just animated cartoons with a Japanese origin. When I was young, I was always influenced by what my sister did, and my sister watched quite a lot of anime (and still does). I had this idea that anime was this superb entertainment that only the cools kids watched. Later in my life, I turned out to be wrong. There isn't much to anime than other entertainment sources.
By the way, if you're watching anime to learn Japanese, for the love of God, please have the English subtitles off. You're not going to learn Japanese by reading English. I know for the first few months it'll be weird, but you'll see your progress accelerate soon enough. Anyways, where was I? Yes, anime.
I've watched my fair share of anime. A mean a lot. I also watched some isekai ones, which like ... looking at it now, just why? Why the hell did I watch them? The only isekai anime I actually enjoyed was Saga of Tanya the Evil and only because I liked villain protagonists and the fact the show had literally no fan-service. Yes, fan-service: a huge issue on anime.
Look, I think it was fan-service and the point most of anime is just unoriginal that made me quit. Fan-service is just gross especially when it's targeting young girls. Like what the freakin shit? This is child pornography and everyone is buying it? And please, don't tell me the romance between a youthful-looking woman and a middle-aged man is justified because the woman is apparently two centuries old. She still looks underage!
And besides, entertainment has just gotten so boring nowadays. So replicable, everything being a serial to something else before. All of us should throw our TV sets and pursue hobbies we really care about.