diary notes #11
september 28th
I'm not joking when I say my laptop is dirty as hell. It really is. The fans, yeah, my God. I used a paint brush to dig into the grills but that didn't really do anything. Sure, it got some dust out but not much. Then, I had the splendid (and very stupid) idea to blow into my fans. With one puff of breath, an entire maelstrom of dust flew out. I was shocked. I decided to do it again, but the same effect didn't happen. I'm currently thinking of opening the lower lid of my laptop to clean out the dust, and also thinking of using some alcohol to clean the entire computer up. There are a lot of smudges and pen stains and stuff on the exterior. It doesn't look pretty.
I need a sticker as well, because I hate the Dell logo. It disgusts me; I just don't like capitalistic companies. I was thinking of something cute and aesthetic to make my laptop look pretty. Maybe a cute cat picture? I'll have to look around for one.
You may think: why am I suddenly modifying my laptop at the moment? Like, I am a layperson and the only coding I do is super-light, and besides I'm not a computer geek and never intend to be one.
Okay, here's the reason: I took an eye examination yesterday and I got very bad results, relative to my young age. Apparently, in my young age, I shouldn't be so myopic but I am. I had to download a screentime app on my laptop because Windows doesn't have a good default one, a reminder app to ensure I follow the 20/20/20 rule, and I also had to modify my flux levels so my computer looks more yellow during the day as well.
All this software crap reminded me of the hardware I have and I was like: why not clean the physical parts as well? I rarely clean my laptop, because it's so tedious, although I am like behind my laptop for ten hours a day. Yeah, I know I need to decrease my screentime. I don't want to wear window-thick glasses in the future. I'd rather not be blind. Blindness ... oh boy, it scares me.
september 29th
Well, guess what? I cleaned my dirty laptop and it's looking much nicer. I still haven't gotten that sticker I need to cover-up the stupid Dell logo, but at least the aluminum finishing looks nicer. It sorta looks new, and one would suspect such if they didn't see all the bruises with a careful examination. I also removed this stupid smudge that really annoyed me and a very big ink stain. My hands were killing me afterwards.
Anyways, I'm starting to put my laptop into a plastic bag before going to sleep because just cleaning the grills disgusted me. I didn't want to open the laptop and ... you know take the fans out and clean them. I'm a layperson, not a freakin professional. Besides, too much work for a laptop that holds a charge of just one hour.
I've downloaded an app that gives me reminders to take a twenty second break every twenty minutes to look at something twenty feet away. It's called Twenty and it's nice but super annoying. It's really annoying to be disturbed when I'm in the middle of fiction writing and be forced to take a twenty second break mid-writing. But, what can I do? My eyes are getting worse and I have too much screentime. Yesterday I think it was like eight hours and I wasn't even on my laptop that long! It's just ridiculous on how I am spending so much time behind a screen.
That said, my immense screentime is kinda justified. Like there's nothing to do in my apartment. The only analogue activities I have are walking in circles in the living/dining room and doodling. I don't consider any of my doodles art because they're so bad! But I like doodling because it helps me think and puts me at ease. I only do some doodling if my eyes are strained from too much computer screentime.
october 1st
Ah, you must see that I have missed yesterday's entry. Well, you see when I was supposed to be doing my daily blogging time (that is, after my shower) I had to go on some errands: something about buying new glasses. It's sad that after trying at least two dozen different glasses, I still didn't buy one.
Anyways, today's entry is not about glasses or blogging. No, today's one's about my very bad and extreme binging temperament. I have just binged a good six hours on an audio-drama when I was meant to study for my exams! Why is it so easy to be distracted in the modern world? I realized today that the only state I can exist comfortably in is boredom. If I don't exist in boredom, I must be constantly stimulated, so yeah, boredom is just ... nicer than to be a stimulation addict? Yeah, I guess.
The problem is I have been trying to run from boredom for my whole life because boredom feels like something gnawing on my soul. That something just isn't right. That time is endless and nothing in the world is ever meaningful. That's what boredom makes me feel and I'm trying to be in it. I've theorized that when I finally master this extreme difficult art of boredom and gulp it down, I will finally be no longer distracted from what I really care about: writing, reading, and learning! And spending time with others and you know ... the basics.
It's just that boredom feels wrong. No matter who you are now, what gender you are, or what you believe in, society has programmed you to avoid boredom. To play this really fascinating video game for forty hours straight instead of just doing nothing and staring at the ceiling, listening to the droning of the blades for five. There's just too much shit! Too many distractions! Too many books, too many people to talk to, too many things to pursue, too much stuff! When will humanity learn to slow down? When will we finally realize that less is sometimes more?
I feel somewhat at peace in boredom and silence, but I still feel something's wrong. I haven't got it I assume. It just feels so unpopular and so different, so stranger from everything else I've tried.